YES! I AM FREE FROM THE CHAINS OF FINALS WEEK!
Ah, it feels so liberating. I would do a touchdown dance but I'm genetically disadvantaged to dance in any way that would be vaguely admirable, I'm Asian. Plus, I need to scrub and pack my microwave.
For the entire day today I've been studying like crazy for a final and God always manages to lighten my day with funny things...
So this morning I was studying like a mad woman in the dining hall. At my school we have a special program that employs mentally handicapped people in the dining hall to do cleaning work and food prep work, they have support services and special supervisors, It's a really great program to integrate them into normal society if you know anyone who might be looking for something like this. I digress, so there is always this one woman who cleans the tables and puts the chairs back into place. She's really small and super cheery all the time. When she says hi to you it's like looking into the sun. It's so bright and cheery you're like whoa. She loves to talk to people and say hi to everyone. She loves to talk so much that sometimes she'll just say what she is thinking at the moment right after she thinks of it even when she isn't directing her thoughts to anyone in particular. I was doing some intense studying while eating breakfast and she was on her break sitting at a table alone apparently reading a magazine about puppies. This is how it goes...
me: ((hard at work studying)) finance, finance, math, math, memorize, concept, formula, bing, bang, bonnggg
her: OOOOOOOH I LOVE PUPPIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! (mind you, our dining hall is large and open and echoes alot)
everyone: ((looks up and looks at her))
her: ((nose still in the magazine)) OHHH AND YOU HAVE TO FEED THEM AND COMB THEIR FUR AND...OHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE PUPPIESS!!! ((co-worker passes by)) HEY ____!!! HAVE YOU SEEN THIS!?! PUPPPIESSSS! OH THEY ARE SO CUTE!!!!
(reads an excerpt) "Pup-piess, should be walked daaaillyy" "OOOOOH I LOVEEE WALKING!!"
everyone: ((smiling and goes back to work))
haha I don't even know why that's funny but I guess being so serious and being interrupted like that is really pleasant.
Today was really windy which made it cold even though it was nice out. I was walking over to take my final through the non-main walking route and I see this girl who is crouched down on the ground behind Devlin against a patch that's supposed to be filled with flowers but was only filled with doodie smelling fertilizer so far. I think to myself, what in the world is she doing?? Then she stands up and turns around with an unlit cigarette in her mouth and a lighter in her hand trying furiously to light the darn cigarette. And then I said, um I think God doesn't want you to smoke today and then she beat me up bad...is what would've probably happened if said something like that to her. haha But it's just great when you're at a NYC bus stop and people are trying to light their cigarettes but they can't b/c of the wind. Mm good stuff.
Oh and you know how google ads "search" the website content and put appropriate ads on the side? Both of them are about eating disorders and binge eating. Whatsupwiththat? I like food but you don't have to hate.
More to come later.
I've got to admit, I kind of long to go back to the old xanga. I can't see who's stalking me on this one. No fun. Comment so I'll feel popular please.
I'm getting pretty rusty with my writing skills. Everything I write is long-winding and overly verbose like my literary mortal friend and enemy: Charles Dickens. Everytime I write on this thing to give some small update or token of advice I always end up praying and never finishing my posts. So I'm determined to write a full one and then I can pray.
I go to a great deal of events and organize many of them with top level executives from prestigious firms talking about life and the financial world but every single person's underlying message is: Do what you love to do because you're going to have to do this for the rest of your life. How true that is. But my superb skills in soundless sleeping and eating really won't put rice on the table. Taking risks is hard. Frankly, because you have something to lose and I don't like to lose.
Living with a childlike mindset...
I remember I would do cartwheels and somersaults without thinking twice but now if you were to ask me to do a cartwheel I would think about the possibility of a spinal cord injury and all the homework and events I had to do that I couldn't afford to have a spine injury. There are so many strong statements in the Bible, "He is with us", "God our Provider", "He saves", he takes up our yoke, he comforts and protects us but we don't have that childlike confidence anymore. So what if you look like an idiot if you answer a question wrong in class? At least you asked. The little criticizing self demeaning voice in your head blows the severity and embarrassment of these occurrences far out of proportion. In reality, no one really cares and if they do they always forget eventually. Be confident in what you do. Know that the Lord provides when you walk with him.
If there's anything I learned this year it's doing what you love. It really comes out in the quality of your work. Many people say I'm over-involved. And I can't disagree. To give you an idea, I can't finish naming and explaining all the clubs and extracurricular activities I'm involved with in under 20 minutes. These things are kind of like tasting food. Are you just shoveling food in your mouth or are you savoring every bite? The savoring is what you remember.
Stop trying to feign being busy to look important (as if you're going somewhere in life). Make friends and make them feel loved. This takes work that won't be seen on your resume. But it's a quality of life decision because at the end of the day you're not having a burger with your resume.
Love one another. Jesus asked for something so very hard. To wake up everyday and think of others before yourself-- it's hard work. Words like sacrifice, love, compassion come into play. Sometimes you just want a break, "Hey God, none of this love stuff for today I'm tired and I'm not in the mood for it". But God says we should derive our strength from him. Always set aside time in the day to speak to God, an item I should really follow. Some people call it "quiet time" or "devotional time" but I've never like the connotations that comes with those words, early morning, devout, religious, legalism, showoff Christian. Many times, it's just a time to be restored by God.
It was last spring right before school was ending, my mom and I were chaperoning for my brother's class fun day to the park under the brooklyn bridge. We were just sitting there by the tree shaded picnic tables watching the class play a game of steal the bacon math style in the sunny field. A short while after a large group of mentally and physically disabled people arrived and were having lunch at some picnic tables near us. I didn't take much notice but my mom said in chinese to look at this one woman. This woman was visibly mentally disabled but she had this huge smile of genuine happiness on her face for the entire time they were there and my mom commented how good it was to not be aware of the evils of this world. To live life smiling through and through. Like the spiderman movie says, "With power comes much responsibility" to what extent have we really taken responsibility even in our fully capable awareness?
Other points I'll write about later...
SICCC Chinese side
Hi folks! Welcome to a fresh new start.
I need a slice of pizza from new york city. Peking duck would be acceptable also. The overwhelming goodness...agh!
Jesus says that if we take on his yoke it'll be easy. True, but there are so many distractions along the way! I inadvertently choke myself as the following ox with Jesus as the lead ox. It's like putting a kid in a toy and candy laden field and telling him/her to run across it all for the end goal, his/her mommy. Prepostero
us! It's really hard to keep asking myself, "Is succeeding in this area without Jesus really success?" And if I answer truthfully, it's a difficult struggle to live by. That pretty number on my report card is pretty good-looking but it would mean I would starve relationships and maybe act too focused on something that doesn't mean life or death. How can I find balance? To see Jesus as my end goal but to see him glorified through my studies, my relationships and what I eat, drink, read. Money isn't everything but it's still important too. Being a Christian in the modern day is a thinker. I can't quite do what John the Baptist did and run into the forest wearing sackcloth and eating locusts like Tarzan. Actually, I think Tarzan would find that pretty gross. So what does surrender really mean? work/life/spiritual balance? On the good side of it all, I'm still thankful that God willingly says I am worthy. Not even the CEO's I met in Cali can surpass that. Booyah.
We went to Cali for spring break. It was...AWESOME. Alas, lent. So many good tasty desserts to eat and I just watched. Closed my eyes, imagined what that delicious smelling warm cream puff would taste like. Or the creamy gelato or the candy San Francisco is famous for. Discipline to resist sin later on! phooey. I still want that cream puff. Thank goodness they have locations in Boston and New York. You can bet your butt I'm going to eat one of these on Sunday or after Easter.
I'm still longing after that great Cali weather. Sunny, warm, 70 degrees. Flip flops and shorts. Thirteen hour days followed by fun dinners and back to the hotel for more researching. The good life. In n' Out was pretty good but I didn't get to try the "legendary" milkshakes. Take note: never criticize In n' Out in front of a Californian. They'll be personally offended. Fo' serious.
Clams and shrimp at Google? Mad nice. Banana Nutella Crepes at Haights and Ashbury (hippie land)? Well, it looked pretty good and considering how fast my friends scarfed it down I'm sure it was unbelievable.
