Thought Nibblets

1. The post office worker in the USPS mailroom is retiring this after the semester ends. It's always sad to see a nice guy leave. The nice cleaning staff, dining card swipers and mailroom staff, even though they don't take up a large portion of my life, just being nice for those few minutes makes my life that much sweeter.
   
2. Coffee makes me want to pee
3. God doesn't do everything for you. You've got to have the intention and the action to actually do it. Don't pray you'll love someone and then continue to ignore them when you see them. Don't pray you'll get an A on your final when you're only studying enough to get a B. God ain't gonna magically bump you up a notch.
   
4. I read this really good article in Psychology Today about living in the present. It had all these references to Buddhism and about being "mindful" and "savoring". It never ceases to amaze me how many religions advocate for similar practices. Buddhist meditation=Christian reflection? Ever wonder why we don't get a whole loaf of bread and a jug of wine for communion? It's to savor and reflect on what Christ has done for us. At that moment, we're living in the present. We find peace in his hope for the present. I think many religions have similar practices labeled in different ways b/c we're all looking for something.
   
5. It's harder to live for God in the everyday than the non-everyday. It's easy to be the "good Christian" when it's a clear momentous one shot deal. Those situations that result in an emotional climatic event but what about when you're rushing to finish studying 13 chapters in 1 hour?
   
6. Jesus-y people. Jesus-y people are stuck in their church-bubble and hallelujah Christian mindsets. They forget how to relate to the world. They forget how to showcase their talents in a way that both glorifies God and can relate to other people. Essentially, they become irrelevant to the world and become a less capable tool for God's kingdom. They're stuck in the bubble.
7. In ear headphones are bad. I got two pairs a few weeks ago and though they do cancel out alot of noise, they're really loud and I hate the feeling of something stuck in my ear. Yuck
8. When I feel unsatisfied, I make impulse purchases.
9. I buy alot of stuff I can use but don't need.
   
10. I broke my shuffle, should I buy an iPod nano or buy a microSD card for my cell phone so I can play music on my cell?
11. I need to go workout. I've worn sweatpants for the past week and a half. I have a built-in life preserver around my waist. And I managed to eat 12 HUGE cookies in less than 8 hours. You don't notice you're putting food in your mouth when you're studying. Fat guys are "velvet teddy bears" and fat girls are either feminists, Dove spokespeople, or just plain ooooogly.
    
12. Dude, God is good. He restores us in our brokenness, cleanses us of our filth, and gives us hope when there seems to be none.
13. God doesn't motivate me to study b/c I'll know he'll always love me. Not enough pressure. Society helps me to study. The risks of losing my place in the social, economic, intellectual strata is much more frightening. I need scare tactics to make me study. word.
    

This school has many people who are rather affluent and many times the culture is surrounded by this affluence. There is a distinct "look" and there were times when I went shopping with friends and couldn't believe what they bought at retail. Dropping $500 for a "cheap" Hermes bag or $395 for a pair of Dolce and Gabbana jeans. The shock soon past and I learned how to stand on my own ground of what I should and should not buy. Yet still, in comparison, buying a jacket at $60 retail doesn't seem as bad as buying a J. Crew jacket for $300 so the plastic would be swiped--semi-guilt free.

The first year I was packing for college I thought I had a ridiculous amount of clothes but when my roommate moved in it took her 2 trips to get all her stuff. Her closets and drawers were bulging with clothes. Sometimes, so much that she couldn't even close them. And get this, since she lived close by those weren't all her clothes. She still had a stash back at home. Meanwhile, my side looked on the thin side but that space was aptly filled with food and the college staple of ramen noodles.

In many ways, my perception of purchasing goods changed. I started buying things that I didn't really need but could afford to buy and, hey, it gave me a good feeling. But I think I began to value the things I already had with less care. One hoodie wasn't good enough, I needed another because the colors changed. Clothes no longer were about not being naked and staying warm. It became about being accepted into a certain subset of culture. I wouldn't maintain my laptop as well because it was big, bulky and ugly and couldn't wait for this one to die so I could get a beautifully designed Macbook.

And then what? You study for a major that makes money and not for one where your heart is. You work in a life-sucking job because it's a status symbol, ego booster and you get money to buy things to show you're in that strata of status (the bag, the clothes, the house, the car, the yacht). It's a never ending parasite of desiring to belong in a culture that leads to a wasted life.

I'm not trying to say dressing well is not important or you should be guilty of some huge immoral sin if you make upwards of 100K but think about how you value your things. Instead of wanting more, more, more...Look at the things you have now in your possession.

The best way I could frame this state of mind is when I used to watch those commercials on Sunday morning like "Feed the Children" or a commercial for some other relief agency. The child would be sitting in a classroom literally made out of dirt or mudbricks. There he would sit with one precious pencil and a clean white sheet of paper. He would write as small as possible to maximize usage of that single sheet. His strokes would be slow but intentional because using the eraser meant depleting a resource that he might seriously need later on. When walking home he would take off his shoes so that they wouldn't be worn from walking. The one or two good shirts he had would be folded neatly and tucked away for school days. From his bookbag he would carefully unfold that single sheet of paper and show his parents. Then he would carefully fold it back and put it into his bookbag because tomorrow he was going to use that same exact sheet of paper for class. When washing his face for the next morning he would only use a few drops of water to wet his hands to rub vigorously over his face.

When I think like that everything single thing I have becomes precious. And you really don't see the need for more. Everything you own becomes more beautiful. More vibrant, more radiant, more brilliant. You notice things you've never noticed before about your old stuff. You treasure it for what functionality it really brings. The minutes, the hours, the days you spend every week perusing clothing store websites and car websites becomes sort of stupid and wasteful. Now you've got time to hear God. You've got time to love people you didn't have time for before.

One time I was standing in line waiting for food and chatting it up with one of our school's old Intervarsity staff. Somehow we got onto the topic of living simply and with an Intervarsity paycheck you really are living simply. I asked her if it was hard, did she ever long to buy things she couldn't afford? There was such a sense of genuineness in her voice when she said, "Not really."

Can we be a culture of missional Christians rather than people of a consumer-oriented culture?

I was rushing to class because I left my room a little later than I was supposed to. It was the normal run taking the short cut route and running to the parking garage elevators that take you up 7 floors instead of 4 like the elevator in the other building. Of course, there's about 30 other students waiting to cram into the single elevator that comes down so we wait in tense awkwardness, iPods stuck in our ears and eyes downcast. We quickly cram into the elevator like a ship in a bottle and the elevator doors slowly slide shut. But this wasn't like every other day when the elevators slide shut. On this particular day, like in the movies, the elevator doors slowly slide shut to reveal a black sharpie-d graffiti message neatly written in print. It said "He is imaginary". It is very abnormal to see graffiti on campus so everyone in that elevator stared at those words for a good 15 seconds before we all quickly filed out to our regularly scheduled lives. No philosophical bantering, no bible verses, no words of hate. Yet such simple words can truly shatter a person's world. In the moments you fill burned out, the times it seems like He is imaginary where your soul is dark. You start to think "Some fine fanciful fairytale I've convinced myself to believe"...

LISTEN. Wake up just before the sun rises. Put your running shoes and your track shorts on. Don't take your iPod. Walk outside, touch the dew licked grass, the muddy earth and take a breath of the sharp morning air. Run until your legs feel as though they're no longer part of your body and then sit down gulping your water to see the sun rise. Then say have the guts to say, "He is imaginary".

After going through the True Love Waits program, somehow I inadvertently developed many wayward ideals about marriage and sex. Remember when we used to sings songs like "I Promise" by Jaci Velasquez?

"So I promise to be true to you/To live my life in purity/As unto you/Waiting for the day/When I hear you say/Here is the one I have created/Just for you"

As if God would create the "perfect man" fitting our every idealistic physical and spiritual desire, and float him down on a marshmallow cloud. STUPID.

Talking about sex in TLW wasn't much better. Sex before marriage was to be impure, filthy, disgusting, sinful, and not pleasing to God (which it is) and sex after marriage with your spouse was awesome, beautiful, fulfilling and meaningful. But as a pre-teen who can't pay attention for more than two seconds, we only really heard the "sex before marriage part" and frankly, that was really the only point emphasized. The goodness of sex after marriage was just a footnote, a tack on. They wanted to make sure to drill the first part in our heads so we wouldn't become. another bad statistic. The image of sex in my mind had become one of an animalistic, sinful, shameful desire. In other words, sex was BAD BAD BAD.

BUT after many more encounters with this topic both in high school and college I've developed a much more comprehensive viewpoint.

Man, I really want to know what a cream puff from Beard Papa's tastes like. It looks SO good. During my stay in SF one of my friends taunted me with a freshly baked and filled vanilla cream puff knowing that I couldn't partake in the delicious joy because I gave it up for lent. Heck, even my professor was happily eating one (a chocolate one, nonetheless).

Anyway, this isn't a "real" post. I just wanted a picture of cream puffs on my blog.

BE SURE TO VOTE ON THE RIGHT SIDE FOR WHAT TOPIC I SHOULD WRITE ABOUT!

Commentary from CuteOverload.com...

"Check out this Washington State Lottery commercial that everyone's going apecrap over.

"Vatican statements

On December 13, 2003, Hill shocked officials at a Christmas benefit concert at the Vatican by denouncing "corruption, exploitation, and abuses", in reference to the molestation of boys by Catholic priests in the United States and the cover-up of offenses by Catholic Church officials. Hill told the crowd of 7,000:

Hill called on the church leaders to "repent" and encouraged the crowd to "not seek blessings from man but from God."

There was silence for several minutes from the audience as many could not speak English. There were cries of "Enough" and "Shame" from those who understood while others whistled and clapped before she picked up her guitar and performed two songs, entitled "Damnable Heresies" and "Social Drugs", both about social pressure. After her performance her comments were translated for Cardinal Camillo Ruini, head of the Italian Bishops Conference, who was sitting in the front row, and he walked out in protest. Among those in attendance were Edmund Cardinal Szoka, American-born President of the Pontifical Commission for Vatican City, and President of the Governorate of Vatican City. The segment was cut from the television broadcast by the Church, and a full transcript of Hill's statement has yet to be released.

The global response Hill received was varied. Monsignor Rino Fisichella, one of the organizers of the traditional concert, said: "It was in poor taste and very bad mannered. It showed a complete lack of respect for her invitation and for the place where she had been invited to perform", while the Catholic League responded by calling Hill "pathologically miserable".^[18]

While returning to New York, Hill's only response to the press about the controversy was: "What I said was the truth. Is telling the truth bad manners? What I asked was the church to repent for what has happened.""

YES! I AM FREE FROM THE CHAINS OF FINALS WEEK!

Ah, it feels so liberating. I would do a touchdown dance but I'm genetically disadvantaged to dance in any way that would be vaguely admirable, I'm Asian. Plus, I need to scrub and pack my microwave.

For the entire day today I've been studying like crazy for a final and God always manages to lighten my day with funny things...

So this morning I was studying like a mad woman in the dining hall. At my school we have a special program that employs mentally handicapped people in the dining hall to do cleaning work and food prep work, they have support services and special supervisors, It's a really great program to integrate them into normal society if you know anyone who might be looking for something like this. I digress, so there is always this one woman who cleans the tables and puts the chairs back into place. She's really small and super cheery all the time. When she says hi to you it's like looking into the sun. It's so bright and cheery you're like whoa. She loves to talk to people and say hi to everyone. She loves to talk so much that sometimes she'll just say what she is thinking at the moment right after she thinks of it even when she isn't directing her thoughts to anyone in particular. I was doing some intense studying while eating breakfast and she was on her break sitting at a table alone apparently reading a magazine about puppies. This is how it goes...

me: ((hard at work studying)) finance, finance, math, math, memorize, concept, formula, bing, bang, bonnggg

her: OOOOOOOH I LOVE PUPPIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! (mind you, our dining hall is large and open and echoes alot)

everyone: ((looks up and looks at her))

her: ((nose still in the magazine)) OHHH AND YOU HAVE TO FEED THEM AND COMB THEIR FUR AND...OHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE PUPPIESS!!! ((co-worker passes by)) HEY ____!!! HAVE YOU SEEN THIS!?! PUPPPIESSSS! OH THEY ARE SO CUTE!!!!
(reads an excerpt) "Pup-piess, should be walked daaaillyy" "OOOOOH I LOVEEE WALKING!!"

everyone: ((smiling and goes back to work))

haha I don't even know why that's funny but I guess being so serious and being interrupted like that is really pleasant.

Today was really windy which made it cold even though it was nice out. I was walking over to take my final through the non-main walking route and I see this girl who is crouched down on the ground behind Devlin against a patch that's supposed to be filled with flowers but was only filled with doodie smelling fertilizer so far. I think to myself, what in the world is she doing?? Then she stands up and turns around with an unlit cigarette in her mouth and a lighter in her hand trying furiously to light the darn cigarette. And then I said, um I think God doesn't want you to smoke today and then she beat me up bad...is what would've probably happened if said something like that to her. haha But it's just great when you're at a NYC bus stop and people are trying to light their cigarettes but they can't b/c of the wind. Mm good stuff.

Oh and you know how google ads "search" the website content and put appropriate ads on the side? Both of them are about eating disorders and binge eating. Whatsupwiththat? I like food but you don't have to hate.

More to come later.

I've got to admit, I kind of long to go back to the old xanga. I can't see who's stalking me on this one. No fun. Comment so I'll feel popular please.

I'm getting pretty rusty with my writing skills. Everything I write is long-winding and overly verbose like my literary mortal friend and enemy: Charles Dickens. Everytime I write on this thing to give some small update or token of advice I always end up praying and never finishing my posts. So I'm determined to write a full one and then I can pray.

I go to a great deal of events and organize many of them with top level executives from prestigious firms talking about life and the financial world but every single person's underlying message is: Do what you love to do because you're going to have to do this for the rest of your life. How true that is. But my superb skills in soundless sleeping and eating really won't put rice on the table. Taking risks is hard. Frankly, because you have something to lose and I don't like to lose.

Living with a childlike mindset...
I remember I would do cartwheels and somersaults without thinking twice but now if you were to ask me to do a cartwheel I would think about the possibility of a spinal cord injury and all the homework and events I had to do that I couldn't afford to have a spine injury. There are so many strong statements in the Bible, "He is with us", "God our Provider", "He saves", he takes up our yoke, he comforts and protects us but we don't have that childlike confidence anymore. So what if you look like an idiot if you answer a question wrong in class? At least you asked. The little criticizing self demeaning voice in your head blows the severity and embarrassment of these occurrences far out of proportion. In reality, no one really cares and if they do they always forget eventually. Be confident in what you do. Know that the Lord provides when you walk with him.

If there's anything I learned this year it's doing what you love. It really comes out in the quality of your work. Many people say I'm over-involved. And I can't disagree. To give you an idea, I can't finish naming and explaining all the clubs and extracurricular activities I'm involved with in under 20 minutes. These things are kind of like tasting food. Are you just shoveling food in your mouth or are you savoring every bite? The savoring is what you remember.

Stop trying to feign being busy to look important (as if you're going somewhere in life). Make friends and make them feel loved. This takes work that won't be seen on your resume. But it's a quality of life decision because at the end of the day you're not having a burger with your resume.

Love one another. Jesus asked for something so very hard. To wake up everyday and think of others before yourself-- it's hard work. Words like sacrifice, love, compassion come into play. Sometimes you just want a break, "Hey God, none of this love stuff for today I'm tired and I'm not in the mood for it". But God says we should derive our strength from him. Always set aside time in the day to speak to God, an item I should really follow. Some people call it "quiet time" or "devotional time" but I've never like the connotations that comes with those words, early morning, devout, religious, legalism, showoff Christian. Many times, it's just a time to be restored by God.

It was last spring right before school was ending, my mom and I were chaperoning for my brother's class fun day to the park under the brooklyn bridge. We were just sitting there by the tree shaded picnic tables watching the class play a game of steal the bacon math style in the sunny field. A short while after a large group of mentally and physically disabled people arrived and were having lunch at some picnic tables near us. I didn't take much notice but my mom said in chinese to look at this one woman. This woman was visibly mentally disabled but she had this huge smile of genuine happiness on her face for the entire time they were there and my mom commented how good it was to not be aware of the evils of this world. To live life smiling through and through. Like the spiderman movie says, "With power comes much responsibility" to what extent have we really taken responsibility even in our fully capable awareness?

Other points I'll write about later...
SICCC Chinese side

Hi folks! Welcome to a fresh new start.

I need a slice of pizza from new york city. Peking duck would be acceptable also. The overwhelming goodness...agh!

Jesus says that if we take on his yoke it'll be easy. True, but there are so many distractions along the way! I inadvertently choke myself as the following ox with Jesus as the lead ox. It's like putting a kid in a toy and candy laden field and telling him/her to run across it all for the end goal, his/her mommy. Preposterous! It's really hard to keep asking myself, "Is succeeding in this area without Jesus really success?" And if I answer truthfully, it's a difficult struggle to live by. That pretty number on my report card is pretty good-looking but it would mean I would starve relationships and maybe act too focused on something that doesn't mean life or death. How can I find balance? To see Jesus as my end goal but to see him glorified through my studies, my relationships and what I eat, drink, read. Money isn't everything but it's still important too. Being a Christian in the modern day is a thinker. I can't quite do what John the Baptist did and run into the forest wearing sackcloth and eating locusts like Tarzan. Actually, I think Tarzan would find that pretty gross. So what does surrender really mean? work/life/spiritual balance? On the good side of it all, I'm still thankful that God willingly says I am worthy. Not even the CEO's I met in Cali can surpass that. Booyah.

We went to Cali for spring break. It was...AWESOME. Alas, lent. So many good tasty desserts to eat and I just watched. Closed my eyes, imagined what that delicious smelling warm cream puff would taste like. Or the creamy gelato or the candy San Francisco is famous for. Discipline to resist sin later on! phooey. I still want that cream puff. Thank goodness they have locations in Boston and New York. You can bet your butt I'm going to eat one of these on Sunday or after Easter.

I'm still longing after that great Cali weather. Sunny, warm, 70 degrees. Flip flops and shorts. Thirteen hour days followed by fun dinners and back to the hotel for more researching. The good life. In n' Out was pretty good but I didn't get to try the "legendary" milkshakes. Take note: never criticize In n' Out in front of a Californian. They'll be personally offended. Fo' serious.

Clams and shrimp at Google? Mad nice. Banana Nutella Crepes at Haights and Ashbury (hippie land)? Well, it looked pretty good and considering how fast my friends scarfed it down I'm sure it was unbelievable.