This school has many people who are rather affluent and many times the culture is surrounded by this affluence. There is a distinct "look" and there were times when I went shopping with friends and couldn't believe what they bought at retail. Dropping $500 for a "cheap" Hermes bag or $395 for a pair of Dolce and Gabbana jeans. The shock soon past and I learned how to stand on my own ground of what I should and should not buy. Yet still, in comparison, buying a jacket at $60 retail doesn't seem as bad as buying a J. Crew jacket for $300 so the plastic would be swiped--semi-guilt free.
The first year I was packing for college I thought I had a ridiculous amount of clothes but when my roommate moved in it took her 2 trips to get all her stuff. Her closets and drawers were bulging with clothes. Sometimes, so much that she couldn't even close them. And get this, since she lived close by those weren't all her clothes. She still had a stash back at home. Meanwhile, my side looked on the thin side but that space was aptly filled with food and the college staple of ramen noodles.
In many ways, my perception of purchasing goods changed. I started buying things that I didn't really need but could afford to buy and, hey, it gave me a good feeling. But I think I began to value the things I already had with less care. One hoodie wasn't good enough, I needed another because the colors changed. Clothes no longer were about not being naked and staying warm. It became about being accepted into a certain subset of culture. I wouldn't maintain my laptop as well because it was big, bulky and ugly and couldn't wait for this one to die so I could get a beautifully designed Macbook.
And then what? You study for a major that makes money and not for one where your heart is. You work in a life-sucking job because it's a status symbol, ego booster and you get money to buy things to show you're in that strata of status (the bag, the clothes, the house, the car, the yacht). It's a never ending parasite of desiring to belong in a culture that leads to a wasted life.
I'm not trying to say dressing well is not important or you should be guilty of some huge immoral sin if you make upwards of 100K but think about how you value your things. Instead of wanting more, more, more...Look at the things you have now in your possession.
The best way I could frame this state of mind is when I used to watch those commercials on Sunday morning like "Feed the Children" or a commercial for some other relief agency. The child would be sitting in a classroom literally made out of dirt or mudbricks. There he would sit with one precious pencil and a clean white sheet of paper. He would write as small as possible to maximize usage of that single sheet. His strokes would be slow but intentional because using the eraser meant depleting a resource that he might seriously need later on. When walking home he would take off his shoes so that they wouldn't be worn from walking. The one or two good shirts he had would be folded neatly and tucked away for school days. From his bookbag he would carefully unfold that single sheet of paper and show his parents. Then he would carefully fold it back and put it into his bookbag because tomorrow he was going to use that same exact sheet of paper for class. When washing his face for the next morning he would only use a few drops of water to wet his hands to rub vigorously over his face.
When I think like that everything single thing I have becomes precious. And you really don't see the need for more. Everything you own becomes more beautiful. More vibrant, more radiant, more brilliant. You notice things you've never noticed before about your old stuff. You treasure it for what functionality it really brings. The minutes, the hours, the days you spend every week perusing clothing store websites and car websites becomes sort of stupid and wasteful. Now you've got time to hear God. You've got time to love people you didn't have time for before.
One time I was standing in line waiting for food and chatting it up with one of our school's old Intervarsity staff. Somehow we got onto the topic of living simply and with an Intervarsity paycheck you really are living simply. I asked her if it was hard, did she ever long to buy things she couldn't afford? There was such a sense of genuineness in her voice when she said, "Not really."
Can we be a culture of missional Christians rather than people of a consumer-oriented culture?
I was rushing to class because I left my room a little later than I was supposed to. It was the normal run taking the short cut route and running to the parking garage elevators that take you up 7 floors instead of 4 like the elevator in the other building. Of course, there's about 30 other students waiting to cram into the single elevator that comes down so we wait in tense awkwardness, iPods stuck in our ears and eyes downcast. We quickly cram into the elevator like a ship in a bottle and the elevator doors slowly slide shut. But this wasn't like every other day when the elevators slide shut. On this particular day, like in the movies, the elevator doors slowly slide shut to reveal a black sharpie-d graffiti message neatly written in print. It said "He is imaginary". It is very abnormal to see graffiti on campus so everyone in that elevator stared at those words for a good 15 seconds before we all quickly filed out to our regularly scheduled lives. No philosophical bantering, no bible verses, no words of hate. Yet such simple words can truly shatter a person's world. In the moments you fill burned out, the times it seems like He is imaginary where your soul is dark. You start to think "Some fine fanciful fairytale I've convinced myself to believe"...
LISTEN. Wake up just before the sun rises. Put your running shoes and your track shorts on. Don't take your iPod. Walk outside, touch the dew licked grass, the muddy earth and take a breath of the sharp morning air. Run until your legs feel as though they're no longer part of your body and then sit down gulping your water to see the sun rise. Then say have the guts to say, "He is imaginary".
After going through the True Love Waits program, somehow I inadvertently developed many wayward ideals about marriage and sex. Remember when we used to sings songs like "I Promise" by Jaci Velasquez?
"So I promise to be true to you/To live my life in purity/As unto you/Waiting for the day/When I hear you say/Here is the one I have created/Just for you"
As if God would create the "perfect man" fitting our every idealistic physical and spiritual desire, and float him down on a marshmallow cloud. STUPID.
Talking about sex in TLW wasn't much better. Sex before marriage was to be impure, filthy, disgusting, sinful, and not pleasing to God (which it is) and sex after marriage with your spouse was awesome, beautiful, fulfilling and meaningful. But as a pre-teen who can't pay attention for more than two seconds, we only really heard the "sex before marriage part" and frankly, that was really the only point emphasized. The goodness of sex after marriage was just a footnote, a tack on. They wanted to make sure to drill the first part in our heads so we wouldn't become. another bad statistic. The image of sex in my mind had become one of an animalistic, sinful, shameful desire. In other words, sex was BAD BAD BAD.
BUT after many more encounters with this topic both in high school and college I've developed a much more comprehensive viewpoint.
S-E-X
Realistically, who would you feel completely comfortable being naked around? I don't know about you but there are VERY few people I would be okay naked in front of and only with some major awkwardness/embarrassment mixed in the bunch. Part of why divorce is so painful is because you've literally showed your spouse everything you have. You made yourself completely vulnerable to them and they rejected you. I can only imagine that it would be one SEARINGLY painful moment. With everyone else you can scream the "YOU DON'T KNOW ME" line but to your spouse? They KNOW you, they have touched you so intimately so when divorce comes it is not a rejection of your outer shell (the charade you play in front of everyone and can easily change in an instant). No, your very SELF is being rejected. But you risk it because true love is worth being completely vulnerable (or so I've deduced).
I read somewhere once that Jessica Alba said she didn't think extramartial sex was such a big deal and sex itself wasn't a big deal at all. For someone to truly believe in that statement is to confirm that sex has simply become an emotionless, meaningless act of satisfying a pure animalistic urge and is devoid of everything good God meant it to be.
Point TWO, sex is extremely awkward and painful (for the girl) the first time around. This comes from somewhat detailed accounts from my pastor in Boston and my Intervarsity staff leader telling their own stories on this topic. Before their talks I always thought the first time was going to be the standard for the rest of our marriage, and it'd BETTER be freakin' awesome. I thought sex was the overarching secret to marriage otherwise why wouldn't we just be friends? Good news is, sex is some good stuff and like wine it gets better with age and practice (or so I've been told). Don't be sad when your first time isn't as you pictured it to be, you didn't exactly look cool the first time you went ice skating either.
In the movies, they always show people who somehow get snapped into this hypnotic sex trance, condition/location are perfect and the two people basically lunge at each other in some fast paced love making. Let's zip back to real life. When you get married you'll have a full time job and probably a few kids/rugrats. At the end of the day, you're going to be dead tired with stress from work and cleaning up the kids. In other words, you're probably not going to be in the mood for sex. But what if your spouse wants to? This is where I was surprised, real life invades sex too! Both of you won't always want sex at the exact same time and sometimes you've got to satisfy your husband/wife even when you don't feel like it b/c you are honoring God by submitting to your husband/wife. Isn't that crazy?? Having sex to honor God? Yuparoo.
Since I go to Jesuit school there are these science publications written by Catholic scholars that are published and given out to the student body for free. This one article about the female orgasm caught my eye b/c it had a picture of the "Ectasy of St. Teresa" by Bernini which I didn't realize was really her having an orgasm since I had already studied this piece in history class. (Olden time people make some crazy statues!) The non-emotional side of love pervades sex too! I always thought of sex to be a sensuous act of passion but it requires the disciplined commitment part of love also. Although there is still much more to say about the subject and I'm not totally finished learning, I'll leave you with this great excerpt from the book,
"According to Keenan, fidelity in a sexual relationship deepens the bond between partners grow. However, it seems that if only one person is experiencing ecstasy, both parties are not completely open to one another, and the growth in the relationship is uneven. Pellauer describes the experience of increased vulnerability as a result of moments of ecstasy shared with her husband. For Pellauer, being excited to the point of orgasm by her significant other led her to loving him in ways she had not perceived before. The fact that he persisted in arousing her even though she was not easily stimulated, refusing his own release until she climaxed as well in mutual experience, touched her as an intimate act of selflessness. She was deeply moved as she did not expect him to put her own pleasure before his own. Pellauer writes, 'I experience [orgasm] as grace, an instance of his vulnerability to me reaching out to meet my vulnerability to him'."
--"Mutuality and Pleasure: A Discussion of the Female Orgasm in Contemporary Catholic Sexual Ethics"
by Celso Javier Perez,
Fall 2007 ELEMENTS Undergraduate Research Journal
Bottom line: Marriage and/or Sex is not the happily ever after. In each aspect we have to work hard to maintain a good balanced relationship but with every joy and every difficulty we experience the deepest sort of grace and mercy and, in this, we see a small glimpse of heaven. God is good.
Man, I really want to know what a cream puff from Beard Papa's tastes like. It looks SO good. During my stay in SF one of my friends taunted me with a freshly baked and filled vanilla cream puff knowing that I couldn't partake in the delicious joy because I gave it up for lent. Heck, even my professor was happily eating one (a chocolate one, nonetheless).
Anyway, this isn't a "real" post. I just wanted a picture of cream puffs on my blog.
BE SURE TO VOTE ON THE RIGHT SIDE FOR WHAT TOPIC I SHOULD WRITE ABOUT!
Commentary from CuteOverload.com...
"Check out this Washington State Lottery commercial that everyone's going apecrap over.
I watched it, and I'm all—um... do you think penguins sit around and wonder why they can't fly? In fact, I bet that chicken is all WTF? That is if a chicken brain could muster up a 'WTF' (some of my best friends are chickens so I can say that)."
It made me laugh...haha...apecrap...hahaha
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Do you know most people gauge your sense of humor by how much you laugh at his/her jokes?
So when a guy says, "I want my ideal girl to have a sense of humor"
He really means, "I want her to laugh at my jokes...alot"
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I read two books in the past 4 days
-Gathering Blue by Lois Lowery
-Thousand Splendid Suns
With that I'm reminded of the general categories I have in my mind for books
1. Books that are as boring to read as watching paint dry AND completely unmemorable
1.5 Books that are SO boring you can't even finish it.
2. Books that are page turners, the kind you don't want to leave when you go to the bathroom so...you just bring it to the bathroom, but inevitably unmemorable.
3. Books that don't seem that great and slightly boring at first but when you're writing that really contemplative post or an effort driven essay for class you finally appreciate the depth of what the author is trying to say and how truly timeless those words are.
Some of the books I think belong in category 3:
-The Giver by Lois Lowery
-Le Petit Prince (The Little Prince) by Saint Antoine de Exupery
-Bible (I'm not saying this to look righteous, sometimes the bible is BORING like in sunday school when you just are waiting for the last page of the packet or when reading through the genealogy verses but when you're writing a hardcore philosophy/theology paper it's just like... IN YOUR FACE SOCRATES!! HA)
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I wanted to listen to some oldies from my younger years and "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You" came to mind
Uber good stuff. I couldn't quite put my finger on where I remember Lauryn Hill's face from so I wikipedia-ed it (she was one of the leading actors in Sister Act II but that's not the point). This excerpt caught my eye...
"Vatican statements
On December 13, 2003, Hill shocked officials at a Christmas benefit concert at the Vatican by denouncing "corruption, exploitation, and abuses", in reference to the molestation of boys by Catholic priests in the United States and the cover-up of offenses by Catholic Church officials. Hill told the crowd of 7,000:
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Hill called on the church leaders to "repent" and encouraged the crowd to "not seek blessings from man but from God."
There was silence for several minutes from the audience as many could not speak English. There were cries of "Enough" and "Shame" from those who understood while others whistled and clapped before she picked up her guitar and performed two songs, entitled "Damnable Heresies" and "Social Drugs", both about social pressure. After her performance her comments were translated for Cardinal Camillo Ruini, head of the Italian Bishops Conference, who was sitting in the front row, and he walked out in protest. Among those in attendance were Edmund Cardinal Szoka, American-born President of the Pontifical Commission for Vatican City, and President of the Governorate of Vatican City. The segment was cut from the television broadcast by the Church, and a full transcript of Hill's statement has yet to be released.
The global response Hill received was varied. Monsignor Rino Fisichella, one of the organizers of the traditional concert, said: "It was in poor taste and very bad mannered. It showed a complete lack of respect for her invitation and for the place where she had been invited to perform", while the Catholic League responded by calling Hill "pathologically miserable".[18]
While returning to New York, Hill's only response to the press about the controversy was: "What I said was the truth. Is telling the truth bad manners? What I asked was the church to repent for what has happened.""
Not only is she a great singer and musician...She has a BRAIN. That statement was bold, unapologetic, readily deserved, and truthful. It's hard to find people who are willing to stand firm in the truth nowadays. What saddens me more is that by those high Vatican officials walking out, it affirmed every last word she spoke. Who really are these "men of God"? They're hypocrites of the very faith they professed to give their lives for.-----------------------------------------------------------------------
I was listening to Star 99.1 a few nights ago and realized how turned off a non-Christian would be if they heard some of what is said in their nightly broadcasts. It was alot of "We, as Christians" are at war against "They, the worldly" as if it would be no different if I said "We superior ones" are at war against "They the inferior", "We the clean", "They the filthy". Now I understand the bible says we should be set apart for God but doesn't "set apart" refer to the sin people who don't know Christ commit? Isn't it true the statements they make should be "we, sinners" both Christian and Non-christian alike? Should we not be set apart from the sins they commit but wholly love the person? Isn't that what Christ calls us to do? Am I wrong? Confused?
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P.S. noote.blogspot.com is just my creative outlet for imitating sites like notcot.org, designspongeonline.com, apartment therapy, moma store, etc...except filled with stuff I like. Feel free to check it out but the birthday wishlist isn't real so don't make it real ifyouknowwhatimean.
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I was going to write a post on love but love is too big a topic so you can vote for which love post comes next...
(a) Christian love in a Godless society
(b) Dating, Courtship
(c) Marriage, Sex
(d) Top 3 pro/con characteristics for an ideal guy
YES! I AM FREE FROM THE CHAINS OF FINALS WEEK!
Ah, it feels so liberating. I would do a touchdown dance but I'm genetically disadvantaged to dance in any way that would be vaguely admirable, I'm Asian. Plus, I need to scrub and pack my microwave.
For the entire day today I've been studying like crazy for a final and God always manages to lighten my day with funny things...
So this morning I was studying like a mad woman in the dining hall. At my school we have a special program that employs mentally handicapped people in the dining hall to do cleaning work and food prep work, they have support services and special supervisors, It's a really great program to integrate them into normal society if you know anyone who might be looking for something like this. I digress, so there is always this one woman who cleans the tables and puts the chairs back into place. She's really small and super cheery all the time. When she says hi to you it's like looking into the sun. It's so bright and cheery you're like whoa. She loves to talk to people and say hi to everyone. She loves to talk so much that sometimes she'll just say what she is thinking at the moment right after she thinks of it even when she isn't directing her thoughts to anyone in particular. I was doing some intense studying while eating breakfast and she was on her break sitting at a table alone apparently reading a magazine about puppies. This is how it goes...
me: ((hard at work studying)) finance, finance, math, math, memorize, concept, formula, bing, bang, bonnggg
her: OOOOOOOH I LOVE PUPPIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! (mind you, our dining hall is large and open and echoes alot)
everyone: ((looks up and looks at her))
her: ((nose still in the magazine)) OHHH AND YOU HAVE TO FEED THEM AND COMB THEIR FUR AND...OHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE PUPPIESS!!! ((co-worker passes by)) HEY ____!!! HAVE YOU SEEN THIS!?! PUPPPIESSSS! OH THEY ARE SO CUTE!!!!
(reads an excerpt) "Pup-piess, should be walked daaaillyy" "OOOOOH I LOVEEE WALKING!!"
everyone: ((smiling and goes back to work))
haha I don't even know why that's funny but I guess being so serious and being interrupted like that is really pleasant.
Today was really windy which made it cold even though it was nice out. I was walking over to take my final through the non-main walking route and I see this girl who is crouched down on the ground behind Devlin against a patch that's supposed to be filled with flowers but was only filled with doodie smelling fertilizer so far. I think to myself, what in the world is she doing?? Then she stands up and turns around with an unlit cigarette in her mouth and a lighter in her hand trying furiously to light the darn cigarette. And then I said, um I think God doesn't want you to smoke today and then she beat me up bad...is what would've probably happened if said something like that to her. haha But it's just great when you're at a NYC bus stop and people are trying to light their cigarettes but they can't b/c of the wind. Mm good stuff.
Oh and you know how google ads "search" the website content and put appropriate ads on the side? Both of them are about eating disorders and binge eating. Whatsupwiththat? I like food but you don't have to hate.
More to come later.
